Tales of the Trickster

Un. Freaking. Believable.

For those of you who don't know, the American Library Association offers a few perks with a paid membership.  One of them is that I get a nifty magazine called American Libraries every month.  Yeah, maybe not so cool for non-library types, but I think it's pretty neat.  Another is that I get a little news roundup in my email about once a week.  This is usually where I find those library nuggets I sometimes share with you.  Allow me to share some more.

NAMPA — Nampa’s Public Library Board voted 3-2 Monday to keep two controversial sex books off the shelves so they will be inaccessible to minors. “The New Joy of Sex” and “The Joy of Gay Sex” have been kept in the library director’s office since March when the board decided to move them there.

The full story can be found here.  Okay, if any of you out there have kids who are not old enough to be reading about sex, they're also not old enough for you to be dropping them off at the public library.  If you have a problem with those books being on the shelves for no other reason than because you're a self-righteous busybody prude who's afraid of sex, just go ahead and smack yourself right now.  If your kids are old enough to be left alone at the public library, and you still don't want them educating themselves on their own because you're too embarrassed to talk about sex, you're an idiot.  You're an idiot and your daughter is probably going to be pregnant at 15 because someone told her washing out her vagina with coke will prevent her from getting pregnant, and you were too stupid to tell her that was wrong.  (I'm not making up that story by the way.  I've talked to a woman who believed that story well into her teens.)  Again, smack yourself right now.  And smack yourself again for expecting overworked librarians to give a rat's ass about what your kid is reading while you're out being an idiot.  In fact, if you think it's appropriate to use librarians as babysitters because you're too lazy to keep an eye on your own spawn, you're a raging moron and deserve much more than a smack. Kick yourself in the nads right now.  If you're a woman, punch yourself in the boob.  It's only fair.

And to the people who voted to keep those books in the library director's office, you guys are a bunch of pussies.  I'd tell you to smack yourselves, but being you is probably the worst punishment I can think of.  You guys suck and go against the very spirit of what a public library should be about.  Shame on you.

In other, slightly less infuriating, but much more creepy news, there's this winner right here:

A Columbus man has been charged with crawling under a table at a library on University of Cincinnati’s campus, spraying a substance from a syringe on a woman’s shoes and then photographing them.

Ewwwwwww.  Yes people, folks like this really do go to the public library, and more frequently than you would imagine.  People like this are one of the things I don't miss about the public library.  (Although there are a lot of things I do miss about it.)  The thing that skeezes me out about the story isn't the foot fetish.  To each his or her own, whatever.  It's the fact that he used a syringe to spray his ick on a strange woman's shoes.  Now, it may or may not have been water, but how was she to know?  Considering the stories I've heard about certian activities that happen on public computers in broad daylight (and have seen the documentation to prove it--oooohhh I could tell you stories), I'd have freaked the fuck out.  She handled it much better than I would have, is all I'm saying.  Now, considering this is the kind of thing poor public librarians have to deal with, why would some people (see above) think that they also have the time to babysit some clueless rugrat?  Hmmm?  Yeah, I don't know either.

Library Police

AAAAAAH HA HA HA HA HA!

Guess what?  There really is such a thing as the Library Police!  Apparently, the Library of Congress has their own.  Check it out, these guys can actually say stuff like "Library Police!  Put down the Hemingway and come out with your hands up!"  Oh god, that's priceless.  I so work at the wrong library.  How cool would it be to make friends with the Library Police?  Man, I could actually scare the crap out of some little kid, and have the fire power to back it up.  Could you make a TV show out of it, I wonder?  Kinda like NCIS, but with books?  What would it be called?  LPIS?  CSI: Library?  "Yes, Agent Grissom, it would appear the victim suffered blunt force trauma to the skull when all five volumes of the Library of Congress Subject Headings were dropped onto his head.  To add insult to injury, he was buried under the pages of the AACR2.  How very gruesome." 

Okay, it's official.  I've been watching too much crime TV.  It'll only get worse now that we switched to Showtime yesterday, and I got my first taste of Dexter.  I can finally see for myself what all the hype is about, since we have Showtime on Demand and I can catch up on the first two seasons.  Oh, what a dark, twisted little show that promises to be.

Damn it!  When did I start watching so much TV?  Curse you DVR and your convenient partner in crime, On Demand!  Curse you and your convenience, you evil seducers, you!  Curse you for being so bloody entertaining!  Curses!  Curses, I say!  *Shakes fist melodramatically.*  I so need to get out more. 

Right after I catch up with Dexter.

National Library Week 2008

It's National Library Week peoples!  What is National Library Week?  I'll let the American Library Association tell you, because they've been doing this kind of thing much longer than I have:

First sponsored in 1958, National Library Week is a national observance sponsored by the American Library Association (ALA) and libraries across the country each April. It is a time to celebrate the contributions of our nation's libraries and librarians and to promote library use and support.

All types of libraries - school, public, academic and special - participate.

More information is available on the National Library Week fact sheet

So go out there and exercise your right to read a book and not have to pay for it.  And hug your librarian today.  Poor, frazzled little thing probably really needs it.

Unshelved

This is why I love Unshelved.  One tiny little four-panel strip pretty much sums up my philosophy on being a librarian:

Bill Barnes and Gene Ambaum put together just about the funniest comic you'll ever read about working in a public library (and maybe the only one.)  It's funny because so much of it is true.  I've been reading this strip for years now, and it just keeps getting funnier the longer I work in libraries.  I have three of their books and the "Book Club" t-shirt, so you can probably just go ahead and call me a fangirl.  Dewey is so my hero.  Anyway, I'd recommend giving it a shot if you have some time to kill.  That goes double for my librarian friends, or anyone who's ever worked a public service job.

Does it Make Me Nerdy...?

Does it make me geeky, nay downright nerdy, that I think this is a cool blog?  I don't care.  I think catalogers have superpowers.  I know I'm supposed to know this stuff, and I swear, I wish I had a better understanding of the finer points of Dewey, but when it comes to the details, I get lost.  These guys, however, are like the Justice League of Catalogs.  I bow to their superior wisdom.

Two Hour Delay

Sooo, it snowed in here Charlotte, and anyone who's lived in the Queen City can tell you that the place goes into collective apoplexy when a little bitty snowflake falls to the ground.  The City sucks at dealing with weather (like it's surprised moisture has the ability to freeze every winter), drivers in Charlotte suck during dry conditions, let alone soggy-sleety ones, and everyone runs around like headless chickens with their tail feathers on fire.  After that, everything shuts down.

Except for my university.  They wait until the very last second to tell everyone that we're on a two hour delay.  They wait until most people get to work to announce it, in fact.  That's just poor management, right there.  Let's wait until everyone in the City has already called in (including the public schools), let's wait until you've already left for work, before we announce that we are having a delay.  A delay, I'm assuming, that was announced so that people wouldn't have to expose themselves to the perils of driving in a city that still can't figure out how to deal with a little bit of ice and snow.  Duh.  How does that make sense?  I bet the people who made that call don't have kids to think about.  You know, all the kids who have to stay home today because everything in Charlotte has shut down?  Hell, I don't have kids to think about, and I kept thinking "I'm so glad I don't have kids to worry about right now."  Some people have no sense.

Then I get to work, and it seems we've sprung a leak.  There's melting ice and rain leaking all over the books upstairs, and trickling down the overhead lights to boot.  Yeah, that's probably not safe.  The second floor is shut down completely, except for the "rescue" team.  I have desk duty, but I'll probably be called upstairs any minute to help with the book rescue. (No, I'm not being lazy by staying here.  I've already volunteered.)  They're working on it now, but I have a feeling it's going to be one of those days.  Good thing I brought my scarf!

Hug Your Librarian Today

I'm taking a break from my collection development (a.k.a. "book shopping for my library"), so I decided to share some time with my online friends.  That would be y'all, in case you were wondering.  In any case, I'm a bit stuck on a particular set of books, so I'm going to bore you with a little venting session.  You don't like it, too bad.  My blog.  Nyah.

I was once asked by someone why I would need a masters degree in stamping books.  Truth be told, I don't stamp books anymore.  The people who do stamp books don't stamp books anymore.  They have computers spit out these cute little slips of paper that you can stick in your book and use as bookmarks.  I think the reasoning behind that is to save time at the checkout line, but it doesn't work because you spend the time you would have used in stamping all those books explaining to the irate patron why we don't use stamps anymore. 

But that's neither here nor there.  I'd like to think I went to library school for a reason.  A lot of people think librarians spend their days reading books and occasionally pointing people in the direction of the book they are looking for.  Sadly, no.  I wish I was allowed to read all day.  I don't.  I went to library school so that I can learn how to help other people learn.  I also went to learn how to (as the mantra of all libraries and library science classes goes) "meet the needs of the users."  For those of you who get all your information on librarians through porn, I'm sad to say (not really) that it doesn't mean what you think it means.  "Meeting the needs of the users" is Librarianspeak for having to try and figure out what library users need before they realize they need it.  A bit difficult at times, especially if you knew the kind of users we had to deal with daily.  Sometimes those users are schizophrenic and pull knives on poor public librarians.  Never happened to me, thank goodness, but it did happen to a former co-worker of mine.  Just keep that in mind before you fuss about your fines is all I'm saying.  Sometimes those users do things in libraries that shouldn't be done in libraries, or in public for that matter.  Very gross things.  Just keep that in mind before you use the computers at your local library, and bring a handiwipe, is all I'm saying. 

But again, that's neither here nor there.

Today, I'm choosing books for the Reference section (since I'm the Reference Librarian), and for the English and Fine Arts sections.  It's a pretty big stack.  We use these things called Choice cards to help the process along.  A Choice card is a review of a particular book on a little square of paper.  If we like the book and think it's a fit, we put that card on the "yes" pile and hand it to our Collection Development Librarian so that she can take our recommendations into account and choose all the books we need to buy within our small budget.  (Not all libraries do this, but that's how we do it for now.)  It's usually not as boring as it sounds, but it can be if you're stuck with a subject you aren't interested in.  Thankfully, I like the job, even when I have to ask a second opinion on a particular set of books because I'm not sure if we have the budget to support the Encyclopedia of Asian Theater, as much as I'd love to include it.  Why do I need a second opinion for one lousy two-volume encyclopedia?  Because I have to take a bunch of things into consideration for every book we choose, and after a huge stack of these things, my eyes start to cross and my brain short circuits.

Does our (brand new and very tiny) drama department go in-depth into theater history and/or theater traditions of other cultures?   Do they discuss things like kabuki and puppet theater?  If so, how much so?  Enough to require a $225 set of encyclopedias?  Does our collection already have a reference book on Asian theater?  What do other reviewers say about the book?  (Important to consider because of SACS requirements.  If you don't think that's important, you've obviously never been around a school undergoing a SACS review.  Talk about snippy teachers.)  What does our budget look like, and do we have books more relevant to our curriculum in line for purchase?  Am I biased in wanting this book because I am fascinated by all things Japanese?

At this point, my head hurts a little, so I call another librarian for backup.  She pretty much runs through the whole debate with me all over again.  The card is now firmly and decisively on the "maybe" pile until I can talk to someone in the communications department (where the drama department chair is).  So much behind-the-scenes debating over a single encyclopedia, when the chances of any of our students (the same students who don't even know what a catalog is, much less how to use it) even knowing that it's there are pretty damn slim.  *Sigh!*  And this is why you should hug librarian today.  If you don't know one, find a guy named Sisyphus.  We like to help him roll that rock uphill from time to time.

I Weep for Our Future

What is it exactly that is making people dumber?  Is it in the water?  Does it have something to do with transfats?  Maybe it's generational.  Is it No Child Left Behind?  Is the emphaisis on testing teaching our kids what to think, but now how to think?  I'm not sure, because I'm just dealing with one age group (college students), so I don't have much to compare to.  But it seems to me that people are just getting dumber.  It's days like this when I question whether or not I made the right career choice.

Had a whole class of kids come to me today.  A. Whole. Class.  Their professor sent them to the library for a research paper.  The professor gave them a short list of things he wanted them to do the paper on.  It seemed like one of those "I'm forcing you into the library for a practice paper so that you'll at least figure out where the library is" kind of paper that's so popular around here this time of year.  Not one of these kids could figure out the online catalog without me showing them step-by-step how to use it.  They didn't know what the dewey decimal system was, much less how to find a book with it.  A few didn't know what an academic journal was, but some didn't know what a periodical was.  I asked one whether or not the paper was in MLA format, and he stared at me blankly.  Now, let me just give them the benefit of the doubt and say they were all freshmen.  What about the kids who ask me the same questions because they are working on their senior paper.  Seniors in college can't figure out how to use the library?  And we're releasing these folks into the work force?

Who failed these kids so miserably?  I knew how to find a book in the library by the time I left elementary school.  I couldn't get into college without knowing how to write an essay, and these kids have trouble forming a complete sentence on paper.  (I'm not exaggerating here to be funny.  You need to read some of the stuff I'm handed.)  You're telling me college students don't know how to do these simple tasks?  How did they get into college not knowing this?  HOW DID THEY GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL?  What the hell is going on here?  I graduated college less than 10 years ago, so don't give me that "things were different in the old days" crap.  It's frustrating to be sitting behind a desk and try to teach twelve years of failed education in only a few minutes (because their attention span won't allow for anything else.)  Days like this, I start looking for corporate jobs.  The stress level is crazy, and don't get me started on office politics, but at least I'll be getting paid a decent salary for my frustration.

More Banned Books Week 411

Banned Books Week isn't over yet.  Here's just some quickie info for all of you out there, in no particular order:

Amnesty International and Banned Books Week

ALA TechSource

Young Adult Library Services Association (YALSA) Celebrates BBW

Amazon.com's Forbidden Library

Dixie State College List of Banned Books

Article from International Herald Tribune, November 14, 2006

The Book Standard Timeline of Banned Books

Still Kinda Early for Banned Books Week

What's wrong with these book thieves?  Come on people, help me out here.  Can't you save all of your raging dumassery until next week?  I mean, hel-lo?  Banned Books Week doesn't start until September 24!  Get your ignorant asses together!  If you use up all your stupidity now, I'll have nothing to talk about next week!

So who's on my shitlist today?  JoAn Karkos, of Lewiston, Maine.  Seems that sex education is pornography in her eyes, so she's taken it upon herself to steal It's Perfectly Normal by Robbie H. Harris off the shelves of the Lewiston Public Library and the Auburn Public Library.  Faaaaantastic.  You can read her letter to the editor here.  I love that line "library sophisticates."  That's good.  Like we're all drinking tea with our pinkies in the air while we twirl our waxed mustaches and plot the demise of America's youth.  "No no, I cannot be bothered making an informed decision as to what goes on the shelf.  A masters degree?  Good lord man, what on earth is that?  No, let's ignore years of collection development training and find the first thing that will warp the minds of our youngsters forever!  MWA HA HA HA HA!  Good show, now lets go feed the christians in the dungeon to some hungry lions."  I'm not sure I've ever been sophisticated a day in my life, so I'm perfectly fine with giving this twit the finger. 

Some people risk their jobs, reputations--even their very lives to save books from destruction by the Thought Police.  People much braver and nobler than I could ever hope to be. And yet here is this bonehead, taking her freedom to be a bonehead for granted.  What a flake.